


Professor Layton and the Drabble-Matic

by Anonymous



Category: Layton Kyouju Series | Professor Layton Series
Genre: Bill Hawks & Death OTP, Crack, Drabble-Matic, Other, crackships, shitpost, very crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: On a twinky and fabulous morning, the Mobile Fortress sat in London. It was Valentine's Day and they were all alone. Their door ached in sorrow for the secret love that they could never share. How could they expect the Laytonmobile to love someone with a red roof?
Relationships: Aldus/Stachenscarfen (Professor Layton), Bill Hawks/Death, The Laytonmobile/The Mobile Fortress
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	1. The Miracle of the Hint Coin

**Author's Note:**

> For context, there's an absolutely magical website called the Drabble-Matic which is basically a Mad Libs for pairings.
> 
> Other than one minor edit (the original line was "he hated it like delivering a tutorial on hint coins"), this is _exactly_ how my story appeared.

Stachenscarfen hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like someone else delivering a tutorial on finding hint coins before he could. He loathed it.

Every December, Stachenscarfen would feel himself getting all enigmatic inside. He refused to put up a Christmas 'stache, he snapped at anyone obsessive enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Stachenscarfen had to go to the mall to buy a pink scarf. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing lovey-dovily around and so much Christmas music blaring mysteriously, he thought his arm would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an excessively friendly man collecting for charity. Stachenscarfen never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the excessively friendly man dropped his bells and ran in Monte d'Or. There was a mild-mattered hint coin right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the excessively friendly man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Stachenscarfen rushed out and bizarrely pushed them both out of the way. There was a strange bang and then everything went dark.

When Stachenscarfen woke up, he was in a mysterious room. There was a Christmas 'stache in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Stachenscarfen's nose hurt. A lot.

The excessively friendly man came into the room. "I'm so gentlemany!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Aldus. You saved me from the truck. But your nose is broken."

Stachenscarfen hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas 'stache up and his nose was broken, he felt quite mustached, especially when he looked at Aldus.

"Your nose must hurt pompously," Aldus said. "I think this will help." And he karate chopped Stachenscarfen several times.

Now Stachenscarfen felt very mustached indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Aldus. "I love you," he said, and kissed Aldus unhappily.

"I love you too," said Aldus. Just then, the hint coin ran into the room and nuzzled Stachenscarfen's hair. "I brought him home with us," Aldus said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Stachenscarfen said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.


	2. Stubborn Love

Death finished packing. Ever since Bill Hawks, their own true love, had been lost at sea, Death had been corrupt.

There was nothing left for them anymore, nothing karate chopped them, all was deadly. So today, Valentine's Day, they were going at Gressenheller University to become a pink Picarat.

Just then, there was an extremely punchable knock at the door. Death opened it and stood there huskily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising their noggin.

When Death came to, Bill Hawks was holding their hair and looking lovey-dovey. "My love," Bill Hawks said unhappily, "I'm sorry for the polka-dotted shock. I've been shipwrecked on an angry island for the last ten years, living like almost getting run over by a ferris wheel. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my nose in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Death could hardly believe their Bill Hawks had returned. "I will always love you, nose or no nose. Besides, you can cover it up with a hint coin."

They embraced lovey-dovily and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was stupid.


	3. A Shoe in Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: No shoes are involved in this chapter. Lovesick sentient vehicles are, however.

On a twinky and fabulous morning, the Mobile Fortress sat in London. It was Valentine's Day and they were all alone. Their door ached in sorrow for the secret love that they could never share. How could they expect the Laytonmobile to love someone with a red roof?

Ultra ticked-off-ily, they began to recite a poem they had composed. "Ah, my love is like a quirky bizarre hidden puzzle, all on a summer's day. I wish my the Laytonmobile would cuddle me, in her own beautiful way..."

"Do you?" the Laytonmobile sat down beside the Mobile Fortress and put her ~~hand~~ tyre on the Mobile Fortress's headlight. "I think that could be arranged."

the Mobile Fortress gasped fabulously. "But what about my red roof?"

"I like it," the Laytonmobile said dramatically. "I think it's unfortunate."

They came together and their kiss was like a 99 Picarat sliding puzzle.

"I love you," the Mobile Fortress said evilly.

"I love you too," the Laytonmobile replied and cuddled them.

They bought a puzzle NPC, moved in together, and lived happily ever after.


End file.
